Hell is other team members

How do you tell your boss in a professional way that you’d rather eat a shotgun blast to the face than go to the stupid fucking team lunch he set up at some shitty chain restaurant so your team can circlejerk itself completely stupid over its latest non-achievement that you played no part in?

I already played the “will not be attending because it will impact my deliverables for this sprint” and the response was “that’s okay, attend anyway”. He basically told me that either I show up or lose my job.

“Gee boss, it was really nice you splurged on your company credit card so we could go to Applebee’s to celebrate the risk retirement phase for something we’re not going to ship for another 18 months. It’s certainly not a waste of my fucking time that could be spent actually working instead of being in meetings!”

that sounds dumb as fuck

It was dumb as fuck. I was the only person on time, the boss was over an hour late, and we wasted half the day on a shitty chain Italian meal that gave me horrible gas.

Also, my boss expected everyone to make up that half day, which I didn’t, since it was a work function during normal business hours.

We have new zoomer team members, and I feel old.

I told one of them that a file was present on {a,b,c,d}:/path/to/file (where a, b, c, and d are well known names of severs - some people only have access to one or two of them but they share that directory over the network) and they said that trying to log into a,b,c,d.our.company.domain.party failed.

I had to gently instruct them what that meant.

zoomers man.
we got a new zoomer on our team and she didnt know what mkdir was

Interviewed a person for an entry level software engineering role in the Linux space and they thought “sudo” was the name of the command that installed packages in Fedora but it wouldn’t work in Debian because it was called “apt” there.

lmao